Maybe it's just the way the stars were aligned, or something I did in a past human life to deserve this… but it seemed like the world passed through a special phase where people around me malfunctioned spectacularly last week. I wanted to say "malfunctioned hilariously", but it wasn't hilarious for me. I hope it is for you though, so here I present "A Study on the Week in the Life of the Average Roach Native to the Indian Subcontinent".

Exhibit 1: Phone a Friend

Later that evening…

Exhibit 2: In Top Form

The next day, after having got time to meet Human 2, who happens to be super important, and hence super busy…

After 2 more days…

Exhibit 3: Flight of Fancy

Exhibit 4: The Cab in the Woods

Day 1, in a city I am a complete stranger to.

After 10 minutes, I call back on the same number. It rings once and then says it's busy…

It rings once and then says it's busy.

It rings once and then says it's busy.

This goes on for the next 20 minutes. Starting to worry, I call the emergency hotline, who manage to get through to the cab on a different number.

Day 2, in a city where I am wiser about the vagaries of local cab drivers, but still completely a stranger to.

After 10 minutes, I call back on the new number. It rings once and then says it's busy…

After 15 minutes the driver calls me himself, and I get into the cab.

Now of course you may say, "Nonsense. We humans aren't this incompetent you bloody Roach. You're just making shit up."

I wish I was. To complete my week, I present 2 more exhibits, backed by video evidence. Also, I have run out of hands to facepalm myself with.

Exhibit 5: Flop like a Fish

I was introduced to the complex, almost mesmerizing path fish follow as they swim… while driving to collect some documents in the middle of the work day because the agency that handles these things for our company doesn't handle this one service that would actually be helpful. Of course.

Watch how he skillfully cuts me off despite looking at me in his wing mirror 9 seconds into the video. Then how he seems to let me pass only to suddenly swerve back into my lane at 22 seconds. He moves away again, and I foolishly try to seize the moment, only to be rewarded by a loud thud at 30 seconds where that ornament that is his wing mirror hits the side of the RoachMobile because he's decided he must follow a perfect Sine Wave.

I've cut the rest because the Roach doesn't do expletives - even when dealing with complete fucking nincompoops like this.

Sorry.

Exhibit 6: The Full Stop

Ah but at least the week was coming to an end, and soon I would be home, safe from more humans successfully under-utilizing those big juicy brains they are infinitely proud of.

I was wrong. They followed me home, and had one last road block for me to negotiate.

Here's me driving through a narrow street near my humble burrow, where I pull over to the side to let an overgrown Audi pass. Madam wants to get off though, and indicators are not a thing.

Alright. I have 4 sets of arms, giving me 8 thumbs to twiddle. I can wait a bit…

Madam takes here time getting out of the car…

Madam forgets something in the boot of her car…

Madam makes the car stop in the middle of the street - with me, and now another car waiting. A true model of the great civilized society humans have created.

Oh well. I guess it's just easier to just turn around, and go the other way. No cursing this time, because by now I've realized you are all cursed with having to deal with yourselves anyway.

You poor bastards.

Sorry.