Maybe it's just the way the stars were aligned, or something I did in a past human life to deserve this... but it seemed like the world passed through a special phase where people around me malfunctioned spectacularly last week. I wanted to say "malfunctioned hilariously", but it wasn't hilarious for me. I hope it is for you though, so here I present "A Study on the Week in the Life of the Average Roach Native to the Indian Subcontinent".

Exhibit 1: Phone a Friend

Ah! I need to fly to City X tonight!
Let me help you with booking a cab to the airport.
That's really nice of you. Thanks!

Later that evening...

Hmm, no sign of the cab yet. I'm going to be late for me flight!
Let me check what happened.
Sure.
Hahahah. I booked the cab for the middle of next week instead.

Exhibit 2: In Top Form

Hello! I have submitted this form you needed, signed by an important human.
We see you have submitted this form signed by Human 1 who is no longer important. Submit a new form signed by Human 2 or 3.

The next day, after having got time to meet Human 2, who happens to be super important, and hence super busy...

Hello! I have submitted a new form, signed by the newly important Human 2.
We see you have submitted this form signed by Human 1 who is no longer important. Submit a new form signed by Human 2 or 3.
But I have submitted a new form signed by Human 2. Please disregard the old form. Also I need this a little urgently.

After 2 more days...

We see you have submitted this form signed by Human 1 who is no longer important. Submit a new form signed by Human 2 or 3.

Exhibit 3: Flight of Fancy

I need to fly to City Y on 7th and come back on 18th. Could you provide me with flight options please?
Here are the options for flights departing on 7th and returning on 28th.
Thanks! I need flight returning on 18th, not 28th. Also, can you give me options for flights departing on 6th too?
Here are the options for flights departing on 6th and returning on 28th.

Exhibit 4: The Cab in the Woods

Day 1, in a city I am a complete stranger to.

Hello. I am your cab driver. Please call me on this number when I should come pick you up.
Sure.

After 10 minutes, I call back on the same number. It rings once and then says it's busy...

Hmm, that's odd. Let me try again.

It rings once and then says it's busy.

Maybe a network issue... Let me try again in 5 minutes...

It rings once and then says it's busy.

This goes on for the next 20 minutes. Starting to worry, I call the emergency hotline, who manage to get through to the cab on a different number.

Hey, I almost got late for an important meeting cos I couldn't reach your number. Is there something wrong with it?
No no sir. Perfectly good phone.
Ok, maybe it's my phone. Do you have another number I can call?
Yes, here it is.

Day 2, in a city where I am wiser about the vagaries of local cab drivers, but still completely a stranger to.

Hello. I am your cab driver. Please call me on this number when I should come pick you up.
Sure. I will call on your other number which I can somehow reach even though it's plugged into the same handset for you.

After 10 minutes, I call back on the new number. It rings once and then says it's busy...

Unbelievable.

After 15 minutes the driver calls me himself, and I get into the cab.

Seems I can't reach your other number now as well.
No no sir. Perfectly good phone.
Ok. Maybe there's something wrong with me...
Actually sir, I blocked your number by mistake on both my numbers and don't know how to unblock them now.

Now of course you may say, "Nonsense. We humans aren't this incompetent you bloody Roach. You're just making shit up."

I wish I was. To complete my week, I present 2 more exhibits, backed by video evidence. Also, I have run out of hands to facepalm myself with.

Exhibit 5: Flop like a Fish

I was introduced to the complex, almost mesmerizing path fish follow as they swim... while driving to collect some documents in the middle of the work day because the agency that handles these things for our company doesn't handle this one service that would actually be helpful. Of course.

Watch how he skillfully cuts me off despite looking at me in his wing mirror 9 seconds into the video. Then how he seems to let me pass only to suddenly swerve back into my lane at 22 seconds. He moves away again, and I foolishly try to seize the moment, only to be rewarded by a loud thud at 30 seconds where that ornament that is his wing mirror hits the side of the RoachMobile because he's decided he must follow a perfect Sine Wave.

I've cut the rest because the Roach doesn't do expletives - even when dealing with complete fucking nincompoops like this.

Sorry.

Exhibit 6: The Full Stop

Ah but at least the week was coming to an end, and soon I would be home, safe from more humans successfully under-utilizing those big juicy brains they are infinitely proud of.

I was wrong. They followed me home, and had one last road block for me to negotiate.

Here's me driving through a narrow street near my humble burrow, where I pull over to the side to let an overgrown Audi pass. Madam wants to get off though, and indicators are not a thing.

Alright. I have 4 sets of arms, giving me 8 thumbs to twiddle. I can wait a bit...

Madam takes here time getting out of the car...

Madam forgets something in the boot of her car...

Madam makes the car stop in the middle of the street - with me, and now another car waiting. A true model of the great civilized society humans have created.

Oh well. I guess it's just easier to just turn around, and go the other way. No cursing this time, because by now I've realized you are all cursed with having to deal with yourselves anyway.

You poor bastards.

Sorry.